Moo and Layla, a picture perfect shot.  I just wish Mugsy would have joined them and I would have had my Christmas card for this year.

Ford is Back Baby!

Its a long holiday weekend for the States, Memorial Day, the day we honor those who have fought for the rights in our country.  I lost a great Uncle in WWII, my dad's brother during Vietnam, my husband's grandfather was a vet from WWII and was stationed in Japan, and my father is vet of the Lebanon Conflict in the 60's (even though he was in Italy and did nothing but watch the planes fly over and think "thank god its not me," seriously, that is what he tells us!).

This week, Ford got back their logo!  What does that mean? Well in 2006, Ford mortgaged all their assets, including their logo, to get about 26 billion bucks, when they did that, it allowed them to NOT take the Government bailout in 2008.  Well 7 years to the month, they were able to pay off the mortgages and get back their logo, in celebration, about 900 employees came out to their east lawn and stood in the shape of the logo in blue and white shirts.  I am in the end of the F!   I lost my job in 2009 and in 2010 I got a job at Ford, I am proud to work there, I love what I do, and I love being part of the Ford Family.

So this is the offical picture!

And the picture below shows me and a red box around me.

The Daily Life of Supporting a Bipolar

So one thing any "real" doctor will tell you is there is thing to the "Full Moon" and the "crazies" that happens. 

We actually warn each other on the support group when the full moon is coming.  For us, signs of an upcoming full moon are....hypomania, unusual happiness, increased sex drive, increased spending, decreased need for sleep.  In my case, these changes start about 4 days before the moon, the day of the moon can either happen two ways, he can be either be in full mania, or he can crash. 







Crashing is a whole nother story. 

Crashing means he will sleep all day, for about 3 days straight.  He will get up to go to the bathroom, maybe eat a yogurt, and take his meds, have a smoke, and go back to bed.  If I am lucky he will let the dogs out, but not usually.  

The hardest thing about this cycle is he will complain he hates it and wants to stop it, but he doesn't recognize the cycle.  I can write it on a calendar and show him when it will happen or when it happened last, predict the next time it will happen, but he won't believe me. 

When we were looking for his new psychitrist, I asked the dr "do you believe in the full moon?" he replied "I am supposed to tell you no." which made me smile and laugh.  We both really like his currrent dr.  It's important to a good dr, one your trust, who will work with you and listen to you when you have issues with the meds.  When he needed to make a change to his meds, the dr was more the willing to work with us.

The ice pick in my eye

I have had migraines since I was little.  I remember having "sick headaches" in grade school.  Looking back, I realize now they were migraines.  My mom and brother have them but no where near the degree I do.  My cousin on my mother's side has them pretty severe and I pretty much take after her.  I have a headache every single day now.



This is what I feel like is stabbing me through my right eye. It's always my right eye.  I am sensitive to sound, light, I will throw up, I will feel my eye lid start to droop.  I don't get auras but I do get flashes if I let it go too long.  All I want to do when one hits me is lay down in a dark room, take a vicodin and sleep.

A few years ago I finally saw a neurologist, he told me I was having "rebound" headaches on top of migraines.  He took me off of all my meds and put me on Topamax.  A few things happened, 1) I lost 40lbs in about three months 2)  I couldn't drink anything with carbonation immediately, the following day, and haven't since {6 years!} 3) I suffered all the side effects but they finally dissipated  after about 6 months, except for the carbonation issue and weight loss.  BUT the best part was my headaches decreased greatly and stayed away.....till last year. 

I started to have headaches again, I lived in denial again, thought it was the weather, thought it was stress, thought, thought, thought.  Finally my dr said "enough" and doubled my dose of Topamax.  It worked for one week....but the difference is I am on generic where before I took name brand.  I am going to try and go back to name brand and see what happens.  I wouldn't wish these on anyone. 

Bulldogs make me laugh

Today on the Detroit Bulldog Rescue facebook there was an adorable white/deaf bulldog who is looking for a foster home.  My older boy is deaf so I'm used to dealing with this now, even if we do still talk to him and yell at him (Mugsy, come upstairs!) old habits are hard to break.  But since we already have 3, he won't be coming home to us.

I did want to share one of my favorite Tumblr sites though http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/   I follow him on Twitter, and he has this blog now, hilarious, especially if you love bulldogs and have experience with them.  May I just say, I am glad I don't have curtains in my house!

Froggy

Meet Froggy.  Also known as a Milwaukee Brace.   These are worn for Scheurermann's Disease, something I was diagnosed with when I was about 12.  I wore a brace similar to this every day for 23 hours a day for 2.5 years.  My friends and I nicknamed him Froggy because when it was sitting on the floor, the two pads that fit at the base of my skull and the one under my chin, looked like a frogs eyes and tongue.

This was traumatic to wear.  Growing up with a skin disease wasn't.  This had grown men and woman staring at me.  This had people calling me cripple.  I couldn't sit in a bucket seat car, my body would slide down, but the brace would slide up and strangle me (slightly funny but painful). 

BUT wearing this brace was the best thing to ever happen in my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I learned how to be compassionate to others.  I learned to laugh at myself, how to help people be comfortable with uncomfortable things and how to get out of class, a lot!

I wore this all through my Jr High life.  Every single hour, I would say I needed to adjust my brace and I needed my friend to help me.  So I had an open pass for +1 for the whole year, and I would just go to the class room of one or the other of my friends and we would take off for the hour.  Mind you, I could get in and out of the brace all by myself in 2 seconds!  As a matter of fact.....I got my brace for the first time right after my birthday in July.  My mother worked part-time and was gone all day from about 9am to 4pm.   As soon as she would leave, I would tell my brother I was going to my friend Sandy's house.  As soon as I got to Sandy's, that brace was OFF!  Then, around 4pm, brace would go back on, I would go home, Mom would get home and I would say to Mom brace was on all day, can I take it off and go swimming?  Well, the first check up at the dr comes up and I have my Xrays....the curve in my spine is 4 degrees WORSE!  BUSTED!  I honestly thought my Mom was going to kill me that day.   She said "when you're dad hears about this...."   One of the other things that happens at the check ups at the dr is they adjust the brace, so you would get a prescription and have to go to rehab office and they would either fit you for a new mold or adjust the pads on the back or move the bars, or whatever.  Well THIS time, they added a new bar, for a padlock, yes, a padlock.  My parents padlocked me into the brace.  They figured if I couldn't be trusted, then they would make sure I couldn't get out it.  

I recently was at a spinal clinic for my arthritis and had told the dr this, find the story amusing myself, the dr was thoroughly offended.  "How could your parents lock you in a brace!" and I thought "don't you get it? I was being a little brat! I deserved it."  

I was only locked in it for 3 months.  The next dr visit my back was improving and they actually had to change the mold so I had to get new bars, they didn't add the padlock back.  I learned my lesson.

There were some things I hated about the brace. I always had to wear a t-shirt under it or else you would develop horrible rashes, and sometimes even that didn't help.  The part under the chin would cause rashes in the summer, we would line it with mole skin, but that didn't help and I would always walk around with a handkerchief folding up and hanging under there.  The rashes were miserable.   I couldn't bend at the waist, ever.  So you learn how to compensate but picking things up off the ground was always an adventure.

One time we were playing basketball in the gym at lunch, myself and another guy were running to get the ball, another guy from another court was running and didn't see me, we collided and I ended up on the ground flat on my back, he started yelling "I KILLED HER, I KILLED HER" freaking out.  That just made me laugh harder and I looked like a turtle trying to get up.  Finally a friend came over and grabbed the front bar of my brace and yanked me up, again, sending me into laughter. 

Oh and that was the funniest part, people treated me like I was piece of porcelain when in truth, all you had to do was grab a bar and yank and I was coming with you anywhere.  One other girl in my school ended up getting a brace after I did, we became brace buddies, she and I would walk up to each other, grab our front bars and just shake each other.  Talk about whip lash!   My friends know I am ticklish, so they would take a pen and run it down my spine between the bars and watch me scream and jump.   Oh god, and don't remind me about getting an itch under all that plastic mold.  UGH the worst.  I would start hitting myself in an effort to make the brace move so the itch would get some relief. 

One night, I fell out of bed, the space between my desk and bed was just the right size for my garbage can, and garbage can, just the right size for my head.  My shoulder went under the bed and the other was against the corner of the desk, and because of the brace, I couldn't slide down, roll over, or sit up.  I ended up dozing off again.  My brother found me that way when he came to check on me and why I didn't get up for school.

As my back got better, the hours I wore my brace decreased.  From 23 hrs a day, to 20 hrs, to 18 hrs, to 15 hrs, and so on.  When I was just about to enter HS it was down to 8 hrs, so all I was doing was sleeping in it.  The duckling was about to become a swan.  I went to the dr for my check up and he said "no more brace for you" and I said "what? I thought you were gonna say every other night?" and he said "No, you are done, I don't need to see you again."

That night, I slept with the brace on one more night.  I didn't know how to sleep without it.  To this day, my Mom still laughs at me for that.  But I did sleep without it the next night.  That brace stayed in my room for week before I put it away, but I wouldn't let my mom throw it away for 8 years.  She didn't understand why I couldn't part with it.  The funny thing is there are only 2 pictures that I know of of me in that brace.  For all those days and nights in Froggy, and only 2 pictures.  Such an impact, never to be forgotten.

Growing up with Psoriasis

I often get asked, what was it like growing up with P(soriasis)?  To be honest, I have always had it, I don't remember life without it.  When I was 5 years old I fell off my bike and cut my elbow, it never healed right, that was my first patch of P.  My pediatrician always treated me till I was in my teens.  Back in those days, there wasn't much treatment available, I used steroid creams on my spots.  I had HUGE spots on my legs, arms, back, torso, stomach, butt.  The few areas clear were my hands, feet, and face.  I had most plaque P, it looked this is but it would get white scales on it.  (note: This is not me, but pretty characteristic of the size and redness of my knee and leg spots.)



Guttate P is smaller patches of P, more of a tear drop shape, more wide spread and it tends to cover a wider area.  I had this on my upper arms, across my back and sometimes my upper legs. 



So some of my FAVORITE treatments:

Occlusion therapy: This consisted of Mom putting on my ointments (it was always ointments, ewww) and then wrapping me in plastic wrap and taping it on.  I would then sleep in this for the night.  The thought behind this was the medicine wouldn't rub off in the night on my PJs or sheets and the meds would soak into my skin.  The result, I would wake up with plastic wrap bunched up around my waist like a belt, talk about uncomfortable!!!  And for the areas that didn't bunch up, I would have that wet band-aid white skin, moist feeling and have to cut off the plastic wrap.  Sometimes, the wrap would be stuck on like a second skin, and I would miss a piece, usually around my calf, so I would get to school and be changing for gym and find a piece of plastic around my ankle.  Yep, that lead to some interesting conversations.

Tape:  At some point, a drug company came up with the idea of putting the medicine in a tape and every night, Mom would again, cut up pieces of the medicated tape and apply them to my spots.  And this crap was expensive!  My mom was the champion of making that tape last, she would cut some wild shapes to get it to fit my spots.  As before, I would be in school and find pieces I missed to pull off before I go into class.

Air pressure shots:  A device of pure torture!! Imagine a doctor who looked at you like target practice, every other week!



My doctor would sit back and see how far he could shoot me from.  I am not kidding.  I would then have the medication puffing up my plaques, bleeding, and feeling like a bruise and him saying "that wasn't bad was it?"  That lasted about a year.


The UVB Light Box:  This was probably the easy and most entertaining.  I would put on coal tar the night before (it heightens light sensitivity) and then stand in the box for about 5 minutes or so the next morning.  BUT being a kid, those cute little goggles you are supposed to wear?? Yep, I would take them off and screw around in the box.  Now, I have trouble with extremely bright lights, I basically damaged the rods in my eyes.  Thankfully I didn't go blind (don't know if I really could have) but I did do permanent damage, I have prescription sunglasses that are black black black, I have to wear sunglasses on cloudy days because even those those have a glare that cause problems for me. 

So which treatment worked best???  I couldn't tell you.  I think all of them worked to some extent.  Everyone reacts differently to different therapies, what works for one may not work for another.

What do I do now?  Nothing.  I use tropicals sometimes, I am basically in remission.  I break out when I am ill or stressed out so those are the two things I work hard to avoid.  I am not a germaphobe by any means, but in the winter, I use a wet wipe to clean the shopping cart, especially right after school starts, kids are little germ factories.  I take time for myself, I love to read, make jewelry, play with the dogs, etc.  so I try very hard to keep relaxed.  I also keep moisturized.  I can't stress that enough.  I keep 3 types at my office.  Moisturizing prevents me from scratching, and I will scratch until I bleed if I itch.  In the winter, I will take a bath with bath oil in it, than after I get out, I will apply the oil to my skin to stay moisturized.  I never shower in the winter, only baths, and only 2 a week tops.  Summer is a different story, your skin doesn't need the same moisturizers.